Schizophrenia
by neko.with.a.chainsaw
Summary: I always hear the voices, screams of pain, howls and the insults. I rip my hair out and the white locks of hair are soon stained by the blood of my victims. They gurgle on their own blood as I ask god why? Why does he let me suffer with no answers. Why not? Why not let the voices control my very being and let the paranoia spread, because schizophrenia won't change, you're dead.
1. Chapter 1: Allen

"Allen, we are going to have to move again soon," I paused from working on my geometry and leaned back in the chair.

"Have they found us, Neah?" Neah sighed and I took this as a yes. "When do we have to leave?" I began to pack-up the work that was lying out on my desk. We always have to move around because there have been people following us, murdering the innocent. I'm not sure why they are doing this but Neah says not to think about it too much.

"We should leave later tonight, I've already arranged files for the next school you will be attending. It's called Black Order High school and they have been sent to an apartment near the school that you will be living in soon," I nodded and moved over to my closet, pulling out my few changes of clothes, placing them in a worn-out suitcase.

"Thank you Neah," I looked into the mirror and he smiled back at me.

"Any time, Allen…"

* * *

I sighed as I looked at the map in my hands to try and find my way to the school. It took most of the night to move into the new apartment, and Neah wasn't much of a help, complaining about how the place was too dull. Then that morning we realized that the neighbor had some really noisy dogs.

Sighing, I walked with determination down the path. I had made sure that my clothes had been ironed properly and that I had clean gloves. Neah had tried to convince me into wearing a wig to school or at least covering up my scar but I refused. This is who I am and nobody will change that.

"Watch out!" I turned around right as something tackled me to the ground. Pain sprouted in the back of my head and I groaned as the body on top of me slowly moved off.

"Holy shit! I'm so sorry, are you okay?" I slowly opened my eyes and saw a hand in front of my face. I took it gratefully and held the back of my head with one hand.

"Ouch," I glanced up at the person connected with the hand and tried not to giggle. They had an eye patch covering one eye. Guess I'm not the only freak here.

"Oh jeez, Yu come apologise!" eye patch looked over at someone behind him and I followed his gaze to a long-haired man that seemed to be planning our deaths.

"Like hell I would, and don't call me that," Neah snorted and I silently cursed him. Eye patch looked back at me and gave a cheesey grin and laughed lightly.

"Sorry about that, I didn't mean to knock you over sir," again Neah snorted and I chuckled along. Eye patch looked at me funny and I shook my head.

"Thank you, and for that matter I am sixteen. So I don't see any reason to be called 'sir'," eye patch's eye widened and the brooding man behind him rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Now I really feel stupid," I shook my head.

"No harm done, my name is Allen Walker. And you?" I stuck out my hand and he shook it.

"Lavi Bookman. You don't happen to be attending the Black Order, do you?"

"Evidently yes, and I am lost beyond all belief," Lavi laughed at my sad face and threw an arm over my shoulder.

"No worries Allen my friend, me and old Yu will help ya'," the long haired man called "Yu" slapped Lavi in the back of the head.

"I said don't call me that," I smiled to myself. It appears that me and Neah have new friends.

* * *

Turns out that I have a few classes with Lavi and Kanda Yu, as I found out that his first name was "Yu" and that I should only call him that if I have a death wish like Lavi. I met some interesting people today and felt right in place. Not too many people asked about my hair or scar. Kanda kept glaring at me for some reason and for once Neah didn't make too many comments. Probably because everyone was so nice. He gets really protective whenever someone doesn't treat me properly.

"So Allen-chan, you want to go over to a cafe with us so that we can get to know each other?" _Allen-chan? _I shrugged my shoulders and smiled.

"That would be very nice," Lavi smiled and threw his arm over my shoulder again. He had mocked me a few times about my height after Kanda brought it up. Neah would have punched them both if the Senior Lenalee hadn't smacked them on the head with a clipboard.

"Alright! It's settled, come on Yu, Lenalady, off to the Exorcist!" I laughed when Kanda yelled at Lavi again, I guess I really did have friends. As the two chased each other all the way to the cafe Neah sighed.

"Well Allen, will you really stick close to them? They might get hurt," I shrugged and looked at the two boys.

"Its worth a try."

"Allen-kun, who are you talking to?" Lenalee gave me a weird look and I waved it off.

"Oh it's nothing, come on Lavi and Kanda are going to beat us there."

The cafe was small and cosy, with cross designs all over and all of the waiters and waitresses wore black uniforms with silver buttons and crosses. The woman that walked up to us had orange hair and purple make-up on her face.

"What can I get you brats?" Neah raised an eyebrow as we all placed an order. We sat in silence after she left and I tapped out a melody on my thigh.

"So Allen-chan," I looked up at Lavi, "What's your family like?" I cringed and wondered if I should tell them about Neah.

"Oh, I live by myself. My family died a long time ago," I decided against it. They all wore shocked faces, even Kanda looked concerned.

"Then I am guessing you pay the bills, moyashi?" I nodded and Kanda gave me a look of respect? Lavi said something that angered the man and the two started fighting, but I couldn't hear them. I looked over at Lenalee who opened her mouth to laugh, and didn't hear it.

The rude waitress from earlier came back with our drinks and snacks. She said something that made Lavi blush and Kanda stare at her in horror.

My hands went up to my ears when I heard them, thousands of agonizing voices. Screams piled on top of each other just to be heard. I clutched the sides of my head trying to calm down.

Lavi looked at me and said something with a concerned look. I couldn't hear him because the voices became livid.

_"You are a cursed one..."_

_"They don't want you..."_

_"Murderer!"_

_"Useless garbage..."_

_"All you ever do is lie, Allen."_

_Stop it._

I stumbled out of my seat and towards the called after me but all I heard was the insults. Neah tried to soothe me but his voice was muddled by the others.

With shaky hands, I locked the door in the bathroom.

_Worthless._

_Empty._

_Hatred._

"Who are you?" I stared at the mirror and felt my body convulse when someone smiled through my face. They reached out and caressed my cheek.

"We are to become one, Allen."

* * *

Someone laid a hand on my shoulder and I sat upright, bumping my head into Kanda's nose.

"God damnit moyashi, watch it," he hissed and held his nose. I looked around with a weary eye and found I was still in the bathroom and everything was fine. The walls were no longer covered in blood and I couldn't hear voices anymore.

"Hey," Kanda snapped his fingers in front of my face, "ya' still with me?" I nodded slowly and he grabbed my arm -the left one- and pulled me up. I flinched and Neah clenched his fists. "That stupid bunny was worried but didn't want to leave his girlfriend, you owe me moyashi." My eyebrows furrowed as Kanda pulled me back into the booth so that I sat next to him.

"Allen-chan! We bought some zipoli while you were gone! They're a type of Italian doughnut, here," he handed me one of the fluffy pastries drizzled with chocolate.

I felt out of it, and Neah stroked my thigh in comfort. Biting into the pastry, the chocolate smeared on my face and my eyes widened at the sweetness. I finished it and took two more, adding more chocolate on to them than the one before. Lenalee giggled and picked at her pastry, she must not have an appetite.

"They are almost as good as mitarashi dango," Lavi chuckled as I wiped the chocolate off of my face. Kanda grunted and looked out the window, a smile appeared on Lavi's face as he picked up the last pastry. I eyed the sweet as he pulled it back, and threw it at Kanda, getting chocolate all over his face and hair.

My eyes widened and Neah snorted, I quickly covered his mouth. Kanda's head turned slowly as the doughnut slid down off of his head and fell with a disturbing splat onto the table. His eye twitched and I saw his fingers shaking as they formed a fist.

"What d-do you think y-you were doing?" the stutter formed as he clenched his teeth to keep from exploding. Neah chose that moment to show how amused he was. Tears appeared in my eyes I was laughing so hard.

"I'm sorry," I wiped the tears from my eyes as Kanda sent me a glare. To make up for Neah's outburst I picked up some napkins and began wiping the chocolate globs off of his face. Kanda froze and I heard him suck in a breath as he stared at me. His jaw went slack as he sat there while I cleaned off his face.

When I pulled back they all were staring at me, Kanda with a dumbstruck look and the others with admiration. It was like I just disabled a bomb that would have killed us all. "What? Did Lavi get something on my face too?"

"Dude," Lavi gave me a serious look. "I cannot believe that you are still alive. The zipoli must have delayed his reaction. I must buy more of these. Waiter!" he went to raise his hand when Kanda took the soiled pastry and threw it back at Lavi.

"Don't. You. Dare, baka usagi," Lavi laughed and wiped the food off of his face.

"I think we've had enough today, why don't we pay the bill and say our goodbyes," the four agreed with Allen and after a small debate Lavi payed the bill with an angry Kanda at his throat. The walk home was uneventful other than the fact that Kanda also lived in the apartment building but in the floor under Allen.

"So," I layed on the bed staring up at the colorless ceiling. "How long do you think we can stay here?" Neah shrugged and rolled on his side.

"Not really sure, just get some sleep. It doesn't matter right now," I smiled at Neah's kindness and curled up under my pile of blankets. As soon as I fell asleep something washed over and gold eyes stared out of the shadows smiling. No matter how many times I moved, more people would always die, because I wasn't dead yet.

* * *

**Zipoli is a real Italian doughnut and let me tell you, they do rival dango.**

**Sorry that I'm not working on The White Haired Demon but I'm not sure what I should do for it, I've been thinking about it though! So I haven't completely forgotten guys!**

**Hugs and death**

**~neko-san**


	2. Chapter 2: Kanda

"Che," I lathered the soap in my hair to get the last of the chocolate out. I didn't realize last night that Lavi had gotten it in my hair too. Although what surprised me the most was the moyashi.

"Allen Walker," his appearance was surely strange and the tattoo on his face was in question, as well as the gloves, but he acted differently than I thought he would.

Subconsciously my hand wandered up to my face were Allen had wiped of the chocolate. Cursing, I finished my shower and stepped out, I didn't want to be late to school.

"Good morning Kanda," I nodded with a grunt as Allen greeted me in the elevator. We stood in awkward silence as the elevator slowly descended.

The walk to school was quick, Lavi and Lenalee joined us on the way. The idiot of a rabbit made a stupid mistake calling me "Yu". Apparently Allen found our antics hilarious and laughed.

He proceeded to call me"BaKanda" which only made me want to strangle him.

Without realizing it I had been looking around for Allen all day. I was looking at him during math when he broke his pencil, I was watching him as we walked down the halls together. In the hall he wore a smile that spoke pain instead of happiness.

During gym he came out in sweatpants and a long sleeve workout shirt. The teacher didn't seem to care as she spoke to him about the unit they were in. I was playing a one-on-one game of basketball with another kid when the trouble started.

"Hey there freak, what's with the weird tattoo?" I glanced over to see some jerks approach Allen as he was passing the ball to a girl called Moa. He looked over at them and sighed.

"It's not a tattoo, it's a scar. Now are you going to continue bothering me or can I get back to my game?" I snorted as the others faces heated up. So moyashi has some scars, huh?

"No, actually I don't appreciate this attitude you have. Why don't you just crawl back to whatever hole you came from," Allen shook his head and sighed.

"And here I was thinking that this school didn't have bullies. Should've know that they are everywhere," a chuckle came out of Allen's throat as he caught a pass and threw it, making the ball land perfectly in the net with a swish.

I raised an eyebrow and smirked when I saw the jerks talk amongst themselves before one walked over and slugged Allen in the face. Allen stumbled backwards and threw his arms up. That wasn't a good idea because another two grabbed his arms and twisted them behind his back.

Forgetting about my match, I dropped the ball and went to help moyashi when the small teen kicked his leg out above him and hit one of the kids in the face. He stumbled and let go of a shocked moyashi.

I watched as Allen hugged himself, staring at the boys with wide eyes. The two that hadn't been kicked were at their comrades side.

"S-stay away from me, please," his voice shook slightly and one of the other boys scoffed. He stood up and began to walk towards Allen.

"You little shit!" He raised his fists and Allen blocked his face with his arms as the teacher walked in.

"Hey!" Allen dropped his guard at the noise and two fists connected with his jaw. I heard a crack as Allen's head hit the ground, making me cringe and rush over.

I absolutely hated people that hurt others without reason. Pulling Allen up to lean on me as the teacher screamed at the boys, I checked for any signs of bleeding.

There was a small amount of blood on the back of his head and the floor, and bruises had began to surface near his temple and jaw.

"Kanda," I looked up at the teacher's red face with a blank stare, "take the new kid down to the nurse. Jeeze, and cut your hair while you're at it."

Allen groaned and his eyes opened slowly. I saw the confusion in them but also sadness. Assuming that it was from the fight I yanked him up.

Deja Vu huh?

"Come on moyashi, looks like I'm taking you to the nurse," Allen stumbled along at first before his hand grabbed my shoulder.

I looked back but his head was down with his left arm pressed to his chest. Allen seemed to favor that arm for whatever reason.

I ended up walking into the abandoned music room at the wrong time, because Allen was in there hunched over the grand piano that sat in the corner. He was tapping out a sad melody when he spoke up.

"Neah, what do you think of this school? I think that my new friends are nice, don't you?" Not thinking about who he was talking to, I quietly set down my bag and rolled out a mat to meditate.

"I'm not sure about them Allen, they seem shady," my head snapped up when I heard a deeper voice reply over by Allen. Who was it? And what was he talking about?

I went to stand up when Allen shot up and tripped over the bench. He scrambled backwards until his back was against the wall. Allen's gloved hands gripped the sides of his head as his mouth was open in a silent scream.

My heart rate sped up as confusion sunk into my brain. What the hell was going on?

"Hush, hush," Allen mumbled to himself in a deep voice as his hands began to massage his head. I stood a few feet in front of him with a crease in my brow.

"Moyashi?" Allen looked up at me with gold eyes.

"Get the hell away from Allen," I growled and yanked him up by his shirt collar.

"Alright Moyashi, you better tell me what the hell is going on because I don't want to spend the rest on my year annoyed by your sorry ass!" when Allen's silver eyes widened and the grip he had on my arms went slack, I realized my mistake. Water pooled into his eyes and he sniffed.

"I'm s-sorry Kanda, is there something bothering you?" I felt a twitch settle into my eyebrow as Allen took that whole innocent and sweet persona.

"Yes, you."

"Oh, I'm sorry. What did I do to offend you?" true concern shone in his eyes and I slowly set him down so that I could massage my aching brain.

"You know what, I'm just going to leave because this is just too confusing," I turned and left with my things sloppily throw in my bag. Allen might have called out to me or apologised again, but I didn't hear the piano play again. A pity because the song was very soothing.

My weekend was no less confusing. It had been four days since an annoying Moyashi came and Lavi wanted us all to get more acquainted because our last hang-out ended in zipoli and chocolate on each other. I was walking a few feet behind Lavi and his girlfriend as they were both attacking Allen with questions. For a moment I felt bad for the kid but when Lavi brought up the topic of his gloves I saw something flash in his eyes. Anger? Sadness?

"I would rather not talk about it, Lavi. I'm sorry," Lavi chuckled and put his hands up.

"No no, it's my fault. I'm sorry," Allen thanked him and the walk to Exorcist was uneventful. I ended up ordering lunch because I hadn't eaten this morning. The curious couple ordered a small snack for themselves and Allen ordered a suspicious amount of food.

There was dango, zipoli, mapo tofu, dumplings, and onigiri with a side of french fries. The sweet smell of dango and zipoli flooded my senses as our food came over and my soba was set out in front of me with tempura vegetables.

"Allen-chan?" Allen looked up with a stick of dango in his mouth. I smirked and began to eat the soba. "Do you have a job?" Allen smiled a small smile and shook his head.

"Of course, Lavi. How else could I pay the bills?" Lavi chuckled nervously and scratched his neck, making my eyes narrow. He was planning something.

"Well, I was just wondering if we could maybe visit you while you work or come over to your house some time."

"I live in the same complex as Moyashi so I'd rather you not," Lavi gaped at me and Lenalee giggled as she picked at a chicken sandwich. What an annoying prick. Allen's eyes flashed again and I saw his hand form a fist under the table, since we were sitting by each other, again. Courtesy of the thoughtful Lavi Bookman.

"Why didn't you tell me this before, Yu~" I would have strangled him with his pasta but Allen pulled on the hem of my jacket. I glanced at him and saw something… rather odd. His right eye was filled with fear and the left one with anger. My heart rate picked up like it did with Allen in the music room but this time the hairs on my neck were on edge.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," Allen's voice sounded strangled and I saw the corner of his mouth twitch. Lenalee had looked up at Allen with concern.

"Why not, Allen-kun? Is something wrong?" Allen's grip on my jacket tightened while the other went slack.

"I haven't completely moved in and I would hate for you to see the mess," Allen smiled and tilted his head to the side in a forgiving fashion.

"We could-"

"Excuse me for a moment," Allen interrupted Lenalee and stood up to head towards the bathroom. I watched as he pressed his left arm to his chest again and his shoulders shook. Lavi and Lenalee had started to whisper with each other so I went after him.

There was coughing and wheezing when I slipped into the restroom. I peeked around a stall and saw Allen leaning over the sink, coughing into a handkerchief. He stopped for a moment and stared at himself in the mirror.

"Allen, it's okay. Just breath deeply, nobody is here to hurt you, remember? I'm here to protect you," the voice he used sounded familiar and I tried not to groan when he began coughing harder this time.

"N-Neah? Why do these things keep happening to me?" Okay, I am officially lost. Allen smiled sweetly at himself in the mirror as he wiped some blood droplets from the corner of his mouth, probably from coughing so hard.

"Stop worrying, Allen. When you do it just gets worse, just try and relax, but trust no one remember?" I saw Allen nod and take a shaky breath as he pushed himself up from the sink. Receiving my cue, I exited the bathroom and climbed back into the booth with nobody noticing.

For the rest of the evening I kept thinking back to that moment. When I saw something in Allen's face…

It wasn't him.

That wasn't Allen in control.


End file.
